


Withdraw Me from Myself

by NoahTN98



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Awkward Cullen, Bisexual Cullen Rutherford, Blow Jobs, Cullen Fluff, Cullen talks about Amell, Dorian is a Good Friend, Dorian just likes to tease Solas, Dorian talks about his father, First Kiss, Hand Jobs, Lyrium Withdrawal, M/M, Masturbation, Public Sex, Semi-Public Sex, Solas is annoyed, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-12
Updated: 2017-07-22
Packaged: 2018-12-01 03:17:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11477502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoahTN98/pseuds/NoahTN98
Summary: Dorian often spent evenings alone, taking in the evening air. Now, he had found someone to spend those moments with. As Cullen works through his lyrium withdrawal, Dorian finds himself getting closer to the man that had initially hated him.





	1. Chapter 1

Dorian was on the ramparts when he heard the noise from Cullen’s quarters. Being alone in the evening air had started to become a pastime, but usually he wandered the courtyard, or the gardens. The ramparts provided a better view of the mountains in the distance, and usually it was quiet, spare the few crows and the odd lookout. The noise coming from Cullen’s quarters sounded like shouts. Distressed shouts. Which died down as quickly as they started. 

Moments later, Cullen’s door opened, and he walked out onto the ramparts in full armor, running his hand through his hair. Gathering his thoughts, and trying not to be sick over the walls. Those nightmares always made him feel awful. It didn’t take him long to notice Dorian, stopping dead in his tracks. “Dorian, I didn’t expect to see you here. Shouldn’t you be sleeping? Especially at this time of night.”  

“I find myself unable to sleep. Since Inquisitor Lavellan doesn’t plan on taking me to the furthest depths of Thedas tomorrow or any time soon, I thought I might take in this dastardly chill and admire the mountains.” Dorian says softly, moving to lean against the stone with his back to the other man. “You can join me, if you wish to do so. I heard you shouting. I trust that you’re okay?”

“Yes. I mean… No, I’m not. But it’s nothing that I’m not used to.” Cullen joins Dorian at his side, resting his arms on the stone, clasping his hands together as he looks out towards the mountains. “You would think that, after ten years, it would get easier.” He licks his lips as he pauses, looking down at his gloved hands. “Dorian, I know I haven’t been the kindest of people to you, and my initial reaction to your presence was very uncalled for. It’s not like you had done anything wrong, you were only trying to help us.” He sighs, and looks up at Dorian, only for a moment, before his gaze goes back to the mountains. “Can I be honest with you?”

“If you’re implying that you’ve completely dishonest with me in everything you’ve said up to this point…” He laughs lightly, glad to hear a small chuckle come Cullen. “Of course you can. I only ask you tell me what you’re comfortable with, nothing more.”

“I knew the Hero of Ferelden. Amell lived in the Circle tower, and I was the templar assigned to kill her if she failed her Harrowing and became an abomination.” A small smile formed across Cullen’s face. “She was beautiful. I was completely infatuated by her. When she left with Duncan, I didn’t think I’d see her again. But I did, and… It wasn’t in the best of situations, admittedly. That day…” He shakes his head, a wave of sickness hitting him as he starts to think about it, his hands clenching tightly. “Excuse me.”

Dorian watched as the man walked off, giving it only a few seconds before following him through both doors, rubbing his back as he was sick over the wall. “Whatever happened that day, Cullen, it wasn’t your fault. You’re not to blame, you did all that you could, and even if you tried to stop it, you wouldn’t have been able to without Amell.” Dorian tried to reassure Cullen, but fell into a silence as he heard a sob, and Cullen’s head fell into his hands. Was Cullen… Crying? Dorian kept rubbing the man’s back, uncertain of what to do or say, so simply let him have this moment.

“So many people died, Dorian. It was our job to protect them, and we couldn’t even do that. We couldn’t risk it, we couldn’t risk the surviving mages being abominations, and I was so… angry. I was so angry, and the choices I made…” He hitches his breathing, rubbing his face as he tries to stop himself from crying. “I am not proud of the man who made me. I have made some awful decisions, and treated the mages in my life very badly. I just… I hope you can forgive me for how I treated you.”

“Cullen, all your life, all you’ve known is to be afraid of people like me. I find that I have nothing to forgive, since you’ve acknowledged that what you did and said was wrong.” He pauses for a moment, his voice suddenly cautious. “I am also aware that you’ve not been taking lyrium, and that’s why your nightmares are as bad as they are. If there’s any way I can help-”

“How did you find out?” Cullen lifts his head, his eyes red from the crying, looking at Dorian. He then pauses. “Oh. You must have seen the case last time you were in my office. Of course. Dorian, it’s really nothing to be worried about. I can handle myself, and while I appreciate the concern…”

“I am aware of the effects of lyrium, Cullen. As a friend, I would like to offer you some company for the evening, and any evenings that you find yourself unable to sleep.” He moves away from the wall, and starts to walk along the ramparts, sitting on the inner wall, patting the stone next to him. “Come sit. It’s my turn to be honest.”

Cullen sits with Dorian, his hands resting in his lap, looking down at the courtyard below. The moments of silence were bliss, comforting, something he needed after the sleep he had. “You’re well aware I prefer the company of men. It is, of course, not exactly a secret.” Dorian started, and thought on how to word the next sentences that would come from his mouth. “In Tevinter, anything that is considered abnormal is kept a secret. A man sharing a bed with another is accepted, but nothing more. It happens, and then you continue into the next day pretending not to know each other. It was something I was used to, I had to be. I could never expect to get more than that as long as I stayed there.”

Dorian continued to speak about Tevinter, about his parents, and how they asked him to put aside his sexuality to marry a woman. “We would never be happy, and I would never give them what they wanted. They wanted me to marry, and produce the perfect mage, the next heir to house Pavus. It would never happen.” He sighs, his hands resting either side of him. “My father wanted to… change me. With blood magic. So I would be the perfect son. I left after I found out what he was planning, and ended up here. Selfish, I suppose, not wanting to spend the rest of your life screaming on the inside.” He gave Cullen a soft, half smile, and looked down when he felt a hand resting on his.

“Through the years, I’ve found that, while mages are potentially considerably dangerous to both themselves and everyone around them, they have quite the charm. Amell was the first to infatuate me.” Cullen said softly, turning Dorian’s hand to hold it.

“The first?”

“For a while, I have found myself thinking about you-”

“Well, who wouldn’t want to think about me? I am dashingly handsome, and very charming, after all.” Dorian grinned.

“I have found myself thinking about you, and how I’ve treated you badly, yet you remain my friend. I find it odd, and particularly endearing. I am thankful that you forgive me for how I was, and I would like to spend more time with you like this. Well, not… entirely like this, just… alone. I want to spend some time alone with you.” He pauses. “Oh, Maker, no. Not like that, either. I just- I meant-”

“I know what you meant, Cullen. I would like that. How about tomorrow evening we have a meal in the tavern? I’ll bring my own wine. I can’t stomach that swill they serve in there.” Dorian grins.

Cullen nods, and smiles. “Of course. That would be wonderful. I’ll see you then.” Cullen observed Dorian for a moment, and lifted his hand, kissing it softly. He then stood, and made his way back to his door. “Goodnight, Dorian.”

Dorian stared in shock, blinking a few times to bring himself back to the real world. “Goodnight, Cullen.”

A smile stretched across Dorian’s face when Cullen was back in his quarters, and he looked out across the courtyard, finding comfort in the evening breeze again. Perhaps now, though, he had found someone who would enjoy the evening air with him. He would find that out tomorrow, but for now, he sat by himself, and was the happiest he had been since he joined the Inquisition.


	2. Chapter 2

Dorian had retired to his quarters some time after Cullen left him on the ramparts, and fallen asleep almost immediately. He was awoken by a rather rude recruit, who had to look away from Dorian’s blatant nudity, insisting that the Inquisitor needed his attention immediately.

He willed himself out of bed, taking his usual amount of time to preen himself, then made his way down into Skyhold’s main hall. Lavellan beckoned him over, then started to walk while Dorian followed. “What is it that’s so important I was dragged from my sleep by a recruit?”

“We need to talk about Cullen.” Lavellan said, causing Dorian to tilt his head in confusion and almost stop in place. “I am well aware that you were there with him last night, after his nightmare. I am happy he had someone to talk to him, he normally keeps it to himself. However,” He frowned, “Cullen hasn’t been himself today. What exactly was discussed last night?”

“That’s really not my place to say, Inquisitor. What Cullen told me was said in confidence, and I won’t break his trust. If you want to know what we talked about, I would like to suggest that you talk to him yourself.” Dorian tried his best not to sound too offended, especially at the idea that he would give up the trust of a friend and tell someone else what they had discussed. “It’s not that I’m trying to keep it from you, Mahanon. I should think you would understand the importance of having someone you can confide in, and if I am that person for our Commander, then I will not give it up so easily.”

Lavellan nodded, stopping a few paces after they closed the door, looking out where the recruits were currently being trained. “I understand, Dorian. I trust that you will look after him, and be there when he needs you. Especially in the coming months. His withdrawal symptoms are getting worse, and he’s going to need help. I would be grateful if you could provide that for him. I will leave you to your business.” He said both softly, and firmly, turning on the spot, just as startled as Dorian was when Cole appeared next to Dorian.

“ _Smile warm, eyes cold. Broken. Alone. Afraid. But you were there. He was happy._ ” Cole starts, smiling. “ _Hands touching. Soft. Safe. Together. Does he like me back?_ ” Cole’s head tilts, then he looks from Cullen to Dorian, who was blushing deeper than he expected, his eyes widened. Lavellan was smirking, having turned back around to watch. “You like him, but you are afraid he doesn’t like you. He was hurting, and you made it stop. He feels happy when he’s with you, you make him feel safe.”

“Cole, now really isn’t the time for this.” Dorian cleared his throat, and tried to shoo the boy away. “Really, you should… You should probably go somewhere else.”

“But I want to help.”

“No. Go, please. Just leave.” Dorian sighs, and runs his hand over his face as Cole leaves, looking at Lavellan, who’s eyebrow was cocked, that stupid grin still on his face. “Yes, okay? Yes, I like him. A lot.” He turns away, crossing his arms in a huff. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Of course it doesn’t.” Lavellan turned, his hand on the door to open it. “I’ll see you later, Dorian.” He pulled it open, and went back through into Skyhold, the door closing loudly. Cullen turned at the sound, and spotted Dorian, waving. Dorian froze, then ran off, leaving Cullen very confused before turning his attention back to his recruits.

Evening fell, and as promised, Dorian met with Cullen in the tavern for dinner. Placing a bottle of wine on the table that he’d managed to steal, and his plate of food as well, he sat across the table from the Commander, who was eating, and still in his armor. “Is there ever a time when you’re not in that awful armor of yours, Cullen? Surely it must get hot, or at least uncomfortable wearing that?”

“Yes, of course there’s times when I’m not in it.”

“And when is that, exactly?”

“Before I go to bed, when I’m in bed, and when I’m doing work that doesn’t require me leaving my quarters and I’m not expecting any visitors.”

Dorian chuckles. “Well, there’s a level of reassurance that you don’t spend every hour of every day in that thing.” He opens the wine, and looks at Cullen. “Would you like to try some of this? I can assure you it tastes a lot better than the swill that you’re drinking.” Dorian waits for Cullen to nod, then stands and grabs two tankards from the bar, returning with them. “Here.” He says softly, and pours some wine into Cullen’s tankard, handing it over, before pouring some into his own.

“Thank you.” Cullen smiles, and cautiously sips the drink, humming in approval at the taste. “This is wonderful.”

“Better than that Ferelden swill?”

“Well, I wouldn’t go that far. The ‘Fereldan swill’ as you so kindly put it, is an acquired taste.”

“Yes, if you like to drink mabari piss.” Dorian smirks, the comment coaxing a laugh from Cullen. “I see you can’t find yourself disagreeing.”

“I’ve never heard it be compared to that, Dorian. You are a wonderfully creative man.” Cullen smiles, and quickly resumes eating. After some time, he noticed that Dorian was distracted by something, if the small jabs at the food on his plate were anything to go by. “Something on your mind?”

“Nothing too important. It’s just something Cole said, earlier.”

“Was that when you were watching me train the recruits?” He shifts. “I waved at you, and you ran off.”

“Yes. He… Did that thing where he reads our minds. It’s probably best we don’t discuss it here, though. Not with all the prying eyes and ears… And Iron Bull.” Dorian stands, grabbing his plate, and his wine bottle. “We’ll take the plates to the kitchen, and if you don’t mind, we can walk the grounds.”

Having returned the plates back to the kitchen, Dorian walks with Cullen, his eyes flicking down to the hands that were rested on the pommel of Cullen’s sword, then back to where they were walking. “About last night…” Dorian started. “You said you’ve found yourself thinking of me. That you want to spend more time alone with me. You’ll have to elaborate on your meaning of those words, Commander.”

“I thought that my kissing your hand was elaboration enough, Dorian.” Cullen stops in the courtyard as Dorian does, turning to face him, his head tilting. “What did Cole say?”

“Does he like me back?” Dorian lifted his gaze to meet Cullen’s. “He was hurting, and you made it stop. He feels happy when he’s with you, you make him feel safe. That’s all I can remember, I’m sorry. But it’s had me distracted, for obvious reasons.”

Cullen stares at Dorian, as if processing the words that had came from his mouth. “I… See. I can certainly understand why that would have you distracted. Dorian, I like you. I told you last night, and I find myself rather fond of you. Maker, I’m more fond of you than I probably should be.” A small sigh escapes Cullen’s lips. “I would very much like to court you, Dorian.”

Dorian raises his eyebrow, a nervous laugh coming from him. “Of course you want to court me. Who wouldn’t want to court _me_ , of all people?”

“I’m being serious.”

“Excuse me? You are?”

Cullen rubs the back of his neck, and looks down. “It is clear to me that I got the wrong messages from this. I apologise for misinterpreting, and I hope this hasn’t ruined our friendship.” With that, Cullen dropped his arm, and turned on his heel, walking towards his quarters.

“Commander, you are a marvelously silly man.” Dorian followed after Cullen, taking hold of the man’s arm and turning him around. “I… Would like to be courted by you, Cullen.” 

Out of view of the courtyard, Cullen smiled, leaning down to press a chaste kiss to Dorian’s lips, leaving Dorian somewhat stunned. “I will do my best to make you happy. For now, though, there is work I must tend to. I’m sure there’s some books in the library you haven’t read. If not, you have my permission to pick from my personal bookcases. You know where I am if you need me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this story is a slow build, but I hope you're enjoying it either way.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a few ideas for this chapter, so it took longer than I expected to write it out. Enjoy!

A few weeks had passed since their time together in the tavern. Contact between the two of them had been brief, being busy with inquisition matters, but the time they did share was pleasant. Today, neither Dorian nor Cullen had anything major that needed attending to, and so Dorian had decided it was the perfect time to steal some moments with Cullen. His arrival in his quarters was met with an empty room, and an open door, peaking Dorian’s curiosity. He walked through, and found Cullen leaning over the outside wall, doing what appeared to be heaving. How his recruits hadn’t noticed baffled Dorian, that, or they’d been told to stay away. 

Dorian moved close, being careful not to startle the other man. “Cullen?” He grimaced when Cullen was sick, letting a small sigh pass his lips, a hand coming to rest on his back and rub in small circles. “I am no healer mage, in fact I rather prefer to raise the dead. But I believe that standing out here and decorating Skyhold’s walls with vomit won’t help you.” He watched for a moment, feeling some of the tension between Cullen’s shoulders release. “There we are, you see? Crude humor is often said to be a cure to most ailments. Now, tell me what’s wrong. Withdrawal?”

Cullen nods, rubbing his forehead for a moment, before moving away from the wall and walking into his office. “I’m sorry, Dorian. You shouldn’t have to see me like this. This is something I chose to do, and you shouldn’t be burdened with making sure I’m okay.” He moves the books from his chair, and sits at his desk, his head resting on his arms. “I’m sure I’ll be fine, I just…” He sighs. “I’m sorry.”

“Cullen Rutherford,” Dorian closes and locks all of the doors, moving to Cullen’s side and running his fingers through the other man’s hair. “I won’t allow you to deal with this on your own.” Dorian watches as Cullen lifts his head, his gaze dropping to the trembling hands. “You stay here, I shall return as quickly as I can with some cold water and a rag. Don’t you go anywhere.” With that, Dorian stood, unlocking the door that lead to the quickest way inside, fetching a bucket of water and the cleanest rag he could find. He returns to find Cullen with his head back on his arms, breathing heavily.

Placing the bucket down, Dorian locks the door again, and carefully lifts Cullen’s upper body, leaning him back against the chair. “I’m going to need you to remove that ghastly armor of yours, and strip down to your breeches. A cold water pat-down should stop you from sweating too much. I can’t do anything about your shaking hands, but I can offer hugs and forehead kisses, and I can ask the kitchens if they’ll make you up some stew I guess, if you don’t think you’re going to be sick again. Is that alright?”

“Yes. Thank you.” Cullen smiles weakly, and works slowly on the clasps on his armor, removing the various components of his armor, placing them to one side. After, he stands, removing his boots, and his tunic, sitting back down in only his breeches, starting to shy away from the other man. “I didn’t intend for this to happen, Dorian. Had I known you were coming-”

“You would have hidden this away from me, and expected that I would never suspect you were in pain.” Dorian says bluntly, a look of disapproval on his face, placing the bucket of water at Cullen’s feet, dipping the rag into the water. “You should be aware that I am a very observant man, Cullen. Had I not found you doing some redecorating, I would have known anyway. If ever you are in pain like this, and I’m not out on a mission with the Inquisitor, I want you to send someone to find me, am I clear?”

“Crystal.” He sighs softly as the cold rag is dabbed against his skin. Having Dorian care for him like this had to be a blessing of the Maker.

“See, doesn’t that feel better already? I suspect you need to get that taste out of your mouth. I shall see to it that you are provided with some water soon enough.” Dorian hums, his movements careful so as not to surprise the Commander, dabbing carefully over his chest, and his neck. “If all is well, you should begin to feel better within a few hours. Either way, I’ll stay to care for you. Even if this wasn’t what I had planned for us.” A smile creeps across Dorian’s face, glad to feel Cullen relaxing under him.

“What did you have planned for us?”

“I had thought of a few things.” He dips the rag into the water, wringing it out, before working on Cullen’s shoulders and face. “Nothing that we’d be able to do with you in this state, however. You’re not as flushed as you were, which is a good thing, of course. You should feel a lot better in no time, heat wise. You might still feel a bit sick, and please do tell me before you plan on vomiting, I would prefer to move you somewhere safe.”

A small chuckle comes from Cullen, shifting in his seat. The touches against his skin had begun to arouse him, his eyes opening to meet Dorian’s gaze. “Dorian, I have been meaning to ask you how slowly, or…quickly… You like to take things. It’s been only a few weeks, and yet I feel like what you had planned was something rather…”

“If you’re meaning to ask whether I intended to attempt to bed you, then I am unable to give you a simple answer. I merely intended to impress you with the skills of both my hands and my mouth, then see where it went from there. Should you be uncomfortable, I would have stopped, and politely set aside my desires until you were ready. Maker knows I would still pleasure myself to the idea, like I do whenever I bathe…” Dorian smirks, listening closely as Cullen’s breathing hitches. “But everything would go at your pace. Now, let me fetch you some water for that no doubt awful taste in your mouth. I shall be back in a moment.” Dorian stands, and leaves the room, leaving Cullen alone with his thoughts.

Cullen’s building erection was thick in his breeches, making the material uncomfortably tight around him. In an attempt to will away the desire, he closed his eyes, humming to himself. But in doing so, left himself open to only his imagination, only arousing him more. It can’t hurt, he thought, allowing his hands to open his breeches and push them down with his small-clothes. Wrapping his hand around himself, he gave a few tugs, bringing himself to full stiffness. Cullen thought carefully about the time he had between now and Dorian returning, with the additional chat that he was bound to have with the Inquisitor, he let his thoughts delve into the various things he wished he could do with Dorian, his strokes slow, deliberate.

 

_ Bending Dorian over his desk, Cullen looked over the man before him. Legs spread, cock weeping and leaking pre-cum over his floor, so open and wanton for him. He pushes into Dorian, a hand gripping his hip, the other hand sliding up the beautifully tanned back to hold his shoulder. A moan comes from Dorian as his head drops down to rest on the desk, pushing back in attempt to get more of Cullen inside of him. He starts slow, each movement of his hips hard, completely dominating Dorian, yet giving him exactly what he wants. The air filled with moans, grunts, and pants from both men, Cullen’s hand moving from Dorian’s shoulder to cover his mouth, various recruits patrolling the ramparts just outside his door. _

_ Dorian’s fingers curl around the edge of the desk as Cullen builds his pace, quickly becoming almost relentless, pushing himself up onto his toes. Cullen watches as the man’s head drops, gripping his hair. He no longer felt any shame, he didn’t care who caught them. “Be loud, Dorian. Let them know that the Commander is the one fucking you to the void and back.” He purrs, leaning down to bite the skin underneath his mouth. _

_ He felt Dorian tighten around him, his moans loud, the man’s voice becoming hoarse. “Oh, Cullen-” _

 

Cullen sighed out a moan as he came over his hand, his head dropped back against the chair. “Oh, Dorian-”

“Well, isn’t this a lovely sight. You must be feeling a lot better.” Dorian smirked, closing the door behind him. He places the glass on the desk, watching as Cullen turned red, trying to hide the evidence of what he’d just done. “I wouldn’t bother with that. In fact…” Dorian says as he begins to strip down. “I think I may have another use for those hands of yours.”

Cullen shifts in his seat, swallowing hard as Dorian makes a show of removing the leather from his body. His hands come to rest on Dorian’s hips when the man sits in his lap, his gaze trailing down the perfectly kept body to growing erection between his legs.

“Touch me, Cullen.” Dorian purrs, leaning over to kiss along his jaw, the stubble tickling his lips. A small gasp comes from him as Cullen’s hand wraps around his length, and strokes slowly, rolling his hips up to meet each stroke. He cups Cullen’s cheeks, and kisses him deeply, pulling back with a soft moan. “Maker, Cullen.”

Cullen reaches into the draw on his desk for a rag, wiping the cum covered hand on it, then reaches behind Dorian, a finger brushing against his entrance, before pressing it slowly in. His finger moves slowly, a contrast to the slight quicker movements of his hand, knowing Dorian wasn’t one for chaste when it came to intimacy. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this, Dorian…”

Dorian moans, draping his arms around Cullen’s shoulders. “I have some idea, amatus. Maker… You’ve touched yourself like this before, haven’t you?”

Cullen says nothing, and simply presses the finger deeper into Dorian, his thumb swiping over the tip of the man’s cock. He leans forward, and bites along his collarbone, leaving small marks on his skin, smirking as Dorian arches towards him. He adds a second finger, being careful to keep his movements slow, the hand wrapped around Dorian’s cock slowing to allow Dorian to fuck his hand.

“Cullen…” Dorian moans, sending shivers down Cullen’s spine. His head drops forward onto the Commander’s shoulder, biting when Cullen’s fingers hit his prostate. “Kaffas… There, Cullen…”

Cullen grins, and keeps his fingers pressed deep, deliberately brushing against Dorian’s prostate. His grip tightens only slightly, enough to peak Dorian’s pleasure, the man sitting up and using his shoulders for leverage. It doesn’t take long for Dorian to cum, hard, moaning Cullen’s name loudly, dropping against him.

Cullen looks down, his stomach covered in both his mess and Dorian’s, pulling his fingers out of the other man. “We should… We should do this more often.”

“I agree. I have never cum that hard from a handjob and fingering alone, Cullen. If you behave, and let yourself get better, I may just let you fuck me when you’re better.”

Cullen didn’t need to see Dorian’s face to know he was smirking. “How about we go up to bed? We can cuddle, and you can make me better.”

“I think that’s a wonderful idea, amatus.” Dorian climbs off Cullen, using the rag in the bucket of water to clean him up. “Let’s go.” He puts the rag back into the water, and gathers his armor, climbing the ladder up to Cullen’s bed.

Cullen pushes his breeches and small-clothes off completely, leaving them pooled at his chair, climbing the ladder after Dorian.

Together, they lay in bed, curled against each other and falling into a pleasant sleep, both hoping that Cullen is well enough for more than their quick tryst soon.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is pure smut, set two months after Cullen's withdrawal. Enjoy.

Dorian’s back arched off of the bookshelf, a hand in his mouth in attempt to keep himself quiet. Neither man was sure whether or not Solas was still working in the rotunda, Cullen having come up the steps leading to Vivienne’s usual work-space when everyone else had gone to bed. His free hand was laced in Cullen’s curls, moving with each bob of the other man’s head, his lips wrapped around Dorian’s cock. Silence was a skill Dorian had learned through his escapades in broom closets, and when shacking up with the magister’s son when the magister was just in the other room. But this? Cullen’s mouth was working wonders on Dorian, it was becoming too much all too quickly and-

“Maker, Cullen!” Dorian moaned, the sound of a book dropping to the floor in the rotunda below them only confirming that Solas was, in fact, still awake, still working, and now fully aware of the activities above his head. Both Cullen and Dorian froze, Dorian’s eyes trailing up to the rookery, thanking the Maker that Leliana didn’t seem to be up there.

“I’d like to think that the Commander of the Inquisition would be more responsible, and ensure that such activities only happened in his bed.” Solas called up, very annoyed. “It appears that being with a Tevinter Altus over the last three months has clouded your judgement.”

Dorian smirked, and looked down at Cullen, his voice barely above a whisper. “Keep going.”

Solas continued on his rant about how inappropriate their actions were, while Cullen resumed bobbing his head, his hands rested on Dorian’s hips to keep him from rocking them. Dorian moaned softly, his hand tugging lightly on Cullen’s hair, the pressure of not being able to rock his hips coaxing a somewhat annoyed grunt from him. Pulling back for a moment to breath, Cullen swiped his tongue over the tip of Dorian’s cock several times, a higher-than-expected moan leaving the man.

They’d had sex prior to now, only a few times due to their schedules, but it was enough for Cullen to know when Dorian was desperate to be fucked. Hard. Despite his desire to take Dorian bent over his desk, Cullen could work with bending him over the railings. Cullen stood, and almost as if his mind had been read, Dorian moved to bend over the railings, grinning down at the furious elf in the rotunda.

“Evening, Solas. Wonderful night for a bit of fun, wouldn’t you say?” Dorian jested, listening to Cullen open the small jar, and slick his fingers. He kept his calm demeanor as Cullen’s finger rubbed over his hole, pressing slowly into him. “How are your studies going? Learned anything more about your… Spirit friends and… The Fade, and maker knows what else?”

“Joke all you will, Dorian. I’m quite sure that if the Inquisitor caught you in a compromising position, in his library, he wouldn’t be too pleased.”

“Ah, but that is where you’re wrong, my elfy friend.” Dorian smirks, knowing exactly which buttons to press to annoy Solas. A slight gasp comes from him as he feels the intrusion of a second finger, licking his lips and trying to keep his composure. “You see, our dear Inquisitor is not as innocent as you would like to think. He would be more than happy to join us, you know. Who wouldn’t? Cullen, Mahanon and I. Elf sandwich. Can you picture it?”

Solas grumbles in disapproval, and sits back down at his desk, trying to ignore Dorian. “I would prefer not to imagine the Inquisitor being intimate. Nor would I like to imagine you and the Commander being intimate, so if you could kindly take your behavior elsewhere-”

A moan echoes through the tower as Cullen finally pushes his cock into Dorian, the mage gripping the railing tightly, his head dropping forwards. Solas slams his book shut, and stands, leaving the rotunda to study elsewhere in the fortress.

Cullen smirks as he hears the door close, gripping Dorian’s hips and moving hard, his pace slow and deliberate. He wanted Dorian to be completely undone underneath him, to a point where he may need carrying back to bed. The moans coming from Dorian were delicious, only encouraging Cullen further. A hand slid up Dorian’s back, to his shoulder, gripping it. “Be loud for me, love.” He almost purrs, Dorian extending his arms to full length, pressing back against his lover. Cullen’s hand moves from Dorian’s hip, and snakes around to stroke Dorian.

“ _ Kaffas!  _ Amatus, more…” Dorian’s head was still dropped, each movement of Cullen’s hips punctuated with a moan, gasping when the movements quicken. Keeping one hand firmly on the railing, Dorian reaches back and pulls Cullen’s head down, guiding the man’s mouth to his throat. He sighed out a moan when Cullen started to decorate the skin on his throat with bites and kisses, leaving marks in places they both knew would be seen the next day. He felt Cullen’s stubble graze his skin with each kiss, each bite, sending shivers down his spine. A hand moved to his chest, and he was pulled back, the top of his back resting against Cullen’s chest as he fought to keep his lower back arched, desperate to take in all of the other man’s cock. He suddenly gasps as he feels Cullen brush over that bundle of nerves, a long moan of approval escaping him, needing to grip Cullen’s hair as it’s brushed again, and again, and again.

Dorian’s fingers in his hair, and the noises he was making, were drawing Cullen closer and closer to the edge. His footing changes slightly, angling his hips better to ensure that each thrust hit Dorian’s sweet spot, feeling the man tremble and his muscles tighten around him. His own groans became louder, Dorian’s name slipping his lips several times. He placed one last mark on the side of Dorian’s throat, just under his jaw, then started to kiss the back of his neck. Having seen how Dorian had reacted to this before, he was pleased when Dorian’s head dropped, completely giving in to the affectionate kisses. A mix of pleasure and passion. That was all it took to have Dorian come apart underneath him, cumming hard over the floor and Cullen’s hand, moaning Cullen’s name. Cullen began to chase his release, taking only a few hard thrusts before he came, spilling his heat into Dorian, a softer moan of his name passing his lips.

The two stand in the library, a sweaty, panting mess. Cullen’s head was rested on Dorian’s back, both of them completely sated and smiling. Cullen pulled out of Dorian, pressing soft kisses to whatever skin he could, before turning Dorian around and kissing him properly.

“Next time, Commander, how about we delve into that fantasy of yours? The one that had you masturbating in your office when I went to get you some water those weeks ago.”

Cullen grins, his scar creasing in the way that Dorian thought was cute. “Alright. But for now, we best get to bed. Before Solas comes back and sends us to the fade.” He chuckles, helping Dorian redress, and cleaning the floor with a rag. Once done, the two walk down the steps, and through the rotunda, hand in hand as they make their way to bed.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter is long. Sorry

Dorian rolled over, finding the usual empty space in the bed. Cullen was always up and working early, something Dorian had gotten used to. Pushing himself up, he slowly dressed, pulling a hand mirror out from under the bed to ensure his hair was exactly as he liked it. It was silent downstairs, so Dorian assumed it safe to climb down the ladder, met with the sight of Cullen sat at his desk, holding a lyrium vial in his hand, staring at it, his paperwork to one side. He approached the desk slowly, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Cullen? What’s this?” It had been months since Cullen’s last bad episode due to the withdrawal, but never in their time together had Dorian caught Cullen like this, and he certainly didn’t expect it after what happened last night. “What are you doing?”

It took a moment for Cullen to respond, looking up at Dorian. “Reports that I’m getting from my soldiers are getting worse. I’m becoming incapable of finishing my paperwork on time, and I can’t train my recruits for as long as I’d like to anymore. I’m failing the Inquisition, our soldiers, and the Inquisitor.” He stands, keeping the vial in one hand, the other running through his hair as he paces. “This is the last thing we need, especially in the build up to our final battle. I should be taking it. Don’t you see?” He stops in his tracks, frustrated, looking at the other man. “I should be taking it.”

“Cullen…” He sighs, and walks over to the man, carefully prying the lyrium from Cullen’s hand. “You don’t need this. Don’t you see? The soldiers look up to you, admire you for what you’re doing. You’re proof that Templars can stop taking lyrium and recover.” He sets the lyrium aside, resting a hand on Cullen’s shoulder, the other on his cheek, brushing his thumb lightly over it. “Come on. Don’t let it get to you.”

Cullen’s gaze drops, his eyes stinging and starting to water. “I’m sorry, Dorian. I-” He takes a shaky breath. “I thought that… Maybe if I take it, things will get better. I won’t be so sick all the time. I’ll be able to train the soldiers better, and my reports would be finished on time. I just thought…”

“I know what you thought, amatus. Addiction is a struggle, and you’re being so strong. I’m very proud of you. You know that.” Dorian pulls Cullen’s head down, feeling arms wrap around him and hold tightly. He freezes as Cullen starts to sob against his shoulder, resting his hand in his hair, petting him gently. “Don’t you cry, now. You’ll set me off, and believe me, it is not a pretty sight when I cry.” Dorian spoke quietly, already breaking himself as Cullen broke down in his arms. Allowing himself to cry with Cullen, Dorian holds Cullen tightly against him, his fingers still running through his hair in an attempt to soothe him.

Cullen pulls back after a moment of crying, looking down, ashamed. His chin is lifted by Dorian, whose cheeks were stained with kohl, and kisses him slowly, passionately. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologising, amatus.” Dorian cups Cullen’s cheeks, his thumbs wiping away the tears from his cheeks. “You have nothing to be sorry for. Now you listen to me. You, Cullen Stanton Rutherford, are one of the bravest men I know. Very few could go through what you have, do what you’re doing, and still hold up an army when the end of the world could come any day now. Stop putting yourself down, or I shall be forced to kiss you until you think better of yourself. Understand?”

Cullen nods, rubbing his face, pressing a softer, more chaste kiss to Dorian’s lips. “Can we go for a walk? I could use some fresh air.”

“Of course, amatus. Let’s go.” Dorian takes Cullen’s hand, and leads him out. Together they walk down the steps and through the courtyard, idly wandering hand in hand. The first time they were so open, Mother Giselle had tried to nag at both of them for ‘putting the Inquisition in a bad light in front of their guests’ and ‘corrupting the sanctity’ of something. Neither of them paid much attention, and after a week, her nagging stopped. Probably after the Inquisitor having a word with her. The pair held a comfortable silence, their walking having them end up at the stables. Dorian watched as Cullen fawned over the horse, petting it’s face, glad to see him smiling after the outburst. “Master Dennet has done a wonderful job of looking after you, hasn’t he?” Cullen said to the horse. “You have such a healthy mane. I shall have to thank him when I see him.”

Cullen moves away from the horse after a few moments, clearing his throat, and turning to look at Dorian. “I need to go and pray. You are free to join me, if you wish. I shan’t ask you to pray with me, but you are welcome to.” He said, and walked ahead of Dorian, up the stairs and through Skyhold to the garden, then the prayer room. Dorian follows, closing the door behind him, staying respectfully by the door with his hands clasped in front of him. Cullen moves onto one knee, and begins to recite the Canticle of Benedictions.

“ _ Blessed are they who stand before _

_ The corrupt and the wicked and do not falter.  _

_ Blessed are the peacekeepers and champions of the just. _

_ Blessed are the righteous, the lights in the shadow. _

_ In their blood the Maker’s will is written.” _

It takes a moment for Cullen to stand again, turning to look at Dorian, who moves forward now and holds Cullen’s hands. Cullen smiles, lacing his fingers into Dorian’s, then takes his hand and leads him out. “What do you say to getting breakfast, and then I show you what I thought about all those weeks ago?”

Dorian laughs, squeezing Cullen’s hand. “Oh, Maker. You really do not rest, do you? Yes, I like that idea. Let’s go.”

They arrive in the main hall, joining Cassandra, Varric, Sera, Solas, Iron Bull, and Lavellan at a table to eat. Dorian smirks as he sees Solas, who was still clearly irritated by last night’s activities. Everyone looks to Lavellan, however, when he speaks up. “I heard that you thoroughly enjoyed yourself with your research last night, Dorian. Especially since you had company, as well. Caused quite the stir, you know, when Solas came to me and informed me of what was happening.” Lavellan pauses as everyone, except Solas and Cassandra, laughs. Sera makes a crude comment among the noise, making Bull laugh louder, before eventually settling down enough for him to speak again. “I also heard of something called an… Elf sandwich?”

The table goes silent, everyone looking between Cullen, Dorian, and Lavellan. Cullen had gone bright red, he hadn’t been paying attention when Dorian had said that, and now he couldn’t believe that Lavellan was actually considering such a thing. Or was he? Neither Dorian nor Cullen could tell, though Sera and Iron Bull seemed to be laughing and talking among themselves.

“I would quite like to… Explore this idea.” Lavellan smirks, a glint in his eye as he stares at Dorian, who was somewhat speechless. He ignores Solas as he stands from the table, and leaves, and even ignores the disgusted noise that Cassandra makes.

Dorian stumbles over his words for a moment, clearing his throat. “Yes, Inquisitor. I’m quite sure that you would. However, we are all… Very busy men. But you may find something far better in your quarters soon enough.” Dorian says, half dismissing the conversation, while also confirming with Lavellan that he would speak about it properly with Cullen. They eat their food as quick as they can with the various conversations going on at the table, making their way back to Cullen’s office once they’re done. 

 

The kissing starts almost as soon as the door is closed, Cullen pressing Dorian up against the wall next to it, grinding their hips together. Nimble fingers work on Cullen’s armor, removing it swiftly, and letting it drop to the floor. Leather and cloth is removed from Dorian’s body as they move away from the wall, Cullen propping Dorian up on the desk. Planting his hands either side of Dorian, Cullen kisses along Dorian’s shoulder, up his throat, and his jaw. “You have no idea how long I’ve thought about doing this…” He purrs, nipping Dorian’s earlobe. “I have no plans to be gentle, Dorian. So only ask for me when you’re completely certain you can handle it.”

Dorian practically melts at Cullen’s words, pulling Cullen’s tunic and breeches off, more than surprised to find that he had deserted his smallclothes today. Cullen tugs his boots off, kicking them aside with his breeches, pulling open the drawer and grabbing the jar of oil and placing it on the desk. His hand then moves to stroke Dorian, whose head drops back, giving Cullen free reign to assault his throat with kisses. Once hard, Dorian plucks Cullen’s hand away, pushing various objects on the desk away, and shifting to bend over it.

Cullen grabs the jar, opening it, deliberately taking his time to slick up his finger. He hums as rubs it over Dorian’s hole, teasing the other man, before pressing it in. Dorian moans, louder than usual, making Cullen chuckle. “I see we’re still sensitive from last night.”

“Cullen, don’t you dare use that to your advantage, I swear I will kill you.”

“No, you won’t. You love this too much, and you absolutely want me to take advantage of it.” Cullen presses the finger deep, his free hand gripping and kneading Dorian’s ass. Dorian moans in approval, failing to argue against the point that Cullen had made. After several long moments, Cullen pushes a second finger into him, working him open. The last thing he wanted was to actually hurt Dorian. “Remember what I told you. Only ask when you’re completely certain because I have no plans to be gentle.”

Dorian nods, his head on his arms on the desk, soft moans coming from him. He almost loses his footing when Cullen’s fingers curl and brush against the bundle of nerves inside him. “Kaffas… Cullen…” He moaned out, his back arching, a hand moving down between his legs only to be moved away.

“Don’t.” Cullen warned lightly. “I don’t want you to cum too early.”

Dorian obediently moves his hand back under his head, pushing back against Cullen. After several long moments, Dorian starts to beg for Cullen. “Amatus… Please. Cullen-!” Dorian looks back at Cullen, irritated that the man didn’t appear to be listening to him. “Cullen, if you don’t fuck me right now-”

Cullen pulls his fingers from Dorian, causing the man to whine, and reaches for the jar again. He scoops out some more oil, and slicks up his cock, taking a moment to admire the man in front of him. Bent over his desk, panting and begging for him, with his legs spread and his cock leaking pre-cum. He moves forward, sliding a hand up Dorian’s back, then back down to his hip, guiding himself into the man. “If you need me to stop, tell me, and I will.” Cullen says softly, his other hand now also resting on Dorian’s hips.

He moves hard, but keeps his pace slow and deliberate. His fingers dig into Dorian’s hips, marking the skin with bruises from the intensity of the grip alone. Cullen watches as Dorian’s hands move, sliding up the desk to grip the edges, and rest his forehead against the desk. “How loud can you get for me, Dorian? I want the recruits on the ramparts to hear you.” He purrs, his hand moving to grip Dorian’s hair and pull his head up, his hips speeding up.

Dorian gasps and moans loudly, happily allowing his head to be pulled back, adjusting his footing when his legs start to ache, arching himself towards Cullen. “Kaffas-! Oh, Cullen…” He closes his eyes, shivering under Cullen’s touch as he feels his hand slide up his back and grip his shoulder for leverage. The room filled with moans and pants from both men, a shadow appearing under each door as the recruits guard the doors and prevent unexpected visitors.

Cullen uses his grip on Dorian’s shoulder to lift him to the full extension of his arms, leaning forwards to bite at the skin between his shoulders, loving the way Dorian tensed under him. He pauses for only a moment when Dorian shudders at the feel of Cullen’s stubble against his skin, before resuming his pace, grinning at how hoarse Dorian’s voice was becoming. Releasing Dorian’s hair, he snakes his hand down and around to stroke the man, his tugs gentle in comparison to the harsh movement of his hips. His thumb brushed against the sensitive tip of Dorian’s cock, the pre-cum becoming a slick so that the friction didn’t cause a burning on Dorian’s skin.

“Kaffas- Amatus! Oh, Cullen, I-” Dorian gasps, dropping his head down, tensing and tightening around Cullen as he spills over the man’s hand. Cullen groans in his throat, his hips faltering for a moment, keeping his movements hard until he spills into Dorian, gasping and dropping his head back. “Oh… Dorian…”

Cullen pulls out of Dorian, panting, reaching for a cloth to clean up the mess they had both made. “Stay still, love.” He says gently, humming softly as he cleans Dorian, setting the cloth aside so he could clean it later. Once done, he helps Dorian sit up, leaning in to kiss him when the door suddenly opens.

“I apologise for the interruption, Commander, Lord Pavus, but the Inquisitor has requested your presence in the war room. He said he’s ready to face Corypheus.”

Cullen swallows, and nods. “Thank you. I shall be there as quickly as I can.” He watches the recruit leave, and sighs, dropping his head down on Dorian’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, love. I have to go. Stay here.” Cullen moves back, and dresses, leaving Dorian in the room to dress on his own, and wonder about the days to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go! 
> 
> Also, if you want, I'll make a bonus work/chapter about what happens when Lavellan joins Dorian and Cullen in bed


	6. Chapter 6

It was done. Corypheus had been defeated. Solas had disappeared without a trace, even Leliana’s scouts were unable to find him. But that was a problem the advisers would worry about when this party was over. Dorian had made plans to go back to Tevinter, he would take up his father’s seat in the magisterium, and Maker, how he would miss Cullen. He stared into his tankard, wishing he could crawl inside of it and drown. He should be happy, but he couldn’t help the misery that was eating him up. 

Lavellan was scouring the room, talking to the advisers. Leliana was to become divine, much to the disapproval of Vivienne, and she intended to dissolve the circles and open the Chantry to all races. Cullen, Josephine, and Leliana had all decided to stick around in hopes that they could be of some contribution to the search for Solas. Lavellan then speaks briefly to Bull, before rounding in on Dorian. “Cullen is aware of your plans to go back to Tevinter.” He says softly, glancing over at the Commander, who was being pestered to eat a small cake by Josephine. “When the party is over, you should talk to him. For now, enjoy yourself.”

“How does Cullen know? I didn’t tell him. I had planned to tell him myself. Tonight.” Dorian hid his anger at the fact that Cullen knew before he even had the chance to tell him. He doubted it was actually Mahanon’s fault.

“In one of Cullen’s reports, it was mentioned that, among the rooms that may no longer be needed for the inner circle, your room was one of them. He was really distraught, felt it appropriate to blame it on me. I understand where he’s coming from, and I understand his upset, so I forgave him.”

Dorian sighs, and nods. “Alright. Go and get some rest, Mahanon. You’ve saved the world, you can rest all you want, now.”

Lavellan smiles and, just as he had done with the others, he hugs Dorian for a quick moment, thanking him for being there for the final battle. “Please talk to him. I shall see you both in the morning.” He steps back, and makes his way to quarters, the party halting briefly as everyone shows their respects for the Inquisitor, resuming when he finally disappears to go to bed.

Dorian places his tankard on the table, using the chance to slip out through the rotunda when the party gets busy again. He had ended up exactly where he started - Wandering the ramparts in the evening air. He wasn’t used to this, being praised, being treated as a hero of sorts. He lets out a soft sigh as he leans against the wall, looking out to the mountains, wishing he’d brought a robe with him. He lifts his head as he hears a door open, looking over, watching Cullen come through from the rotunda.

“The party was starting to become overwhelming.” Cullen comes to rest next to Dorian, rubbing the man’s back. “I thought I might come out here and see you. I… Understand you’ve made plans to go back to Tevinter. I’ll miss you, you know.”

“My plans to leave can be delayed. For a short while.” Dorian looks at Cullen, and shifts closer, humming as he feels an arm wrap around him in a hug. “I don’t want to leave, but I have to eventually, you know. Things to be done, changes to be made.”

“I know. But I plan to keep you here as long as possible. I know I can’t come with you when you leave, I’ll be needed here. But after all of this is over, after we find Solas and the Inquisition doesn’t need me anymore, then I’ll come. To Tevinter. To be with you.” He pauses, and sighs. “Somehow.”

“Amatus… You don’t have to come with me. Tevinter isn’t a very nice place for those who don’t have magic. You’ll be a Soporati.”

“But you’re going there to change that, aren’t you? You can make it safe, Dorian. We can be together.” Cullen insists, the thought of losing Dorian beginning to distress him a little.

“We  _ are _ together Cullen. Even when I leave, we’ll be together. I wouldn’t leave you without a way to contact me.” Dorian stands, as does Cullen, taking his hands into his own. “I love you, Cullen. You have no idea how happy you’ve made me these past few months. Being who I am, coming from where I was born, I never thought I would get the opportunity to have something like this. Especially not with someone like you.” He laces his fingers between Cullen’s, and stands up a little on his toes, kissing him. “I love you. I love you so much.”

Cullen rests his hands on Dorian’s hips, pulling the man towards him. “I love you too, Dorian. I know I treated you terribly before, and I don’t deserve you, but you make me happy beyond words. I’m so glad you survived the final battle against Corypheus. I was worried sick that you wouldn’t come back, and when I saw you… Maker, I had to stop myself from crying. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you. Don’t leave me, Dorian. Please don’t leave me.”

Dorian cups Cullen’s cheeks, saying nothing for a moment as he takes in the view of the man’s face. Then, he pulls the man’s face to his, and kisses him long and slow, his hands draping down over his shoulders. The kiss is long, gentle, every bit as passionate as it can be. “For you, Cullen, I will delay all of my plans to leave. Tevinter won’t fall apart if I stay for a while.” He smiles, and resumes kissing him, Cullen’s hand sliding down to grope Dorian’s ass.

The night air was cool, but Cullen’s arms around him were strong, and warm. For once, Dorian felt welcome. For once, Dorian felt loved. For once, Dorian had someone to share the evenings with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it.  
> Thank you for reading.  
> I will be writing the *bonus chapter* as a separate one shot, keep an eye out for it.
> 
> **Update** Link to the bonus chapter: http://archiveofourown.org/works/11719209


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